


The Place Where We Are

by virvatulilla



Category: Original Work
Genre: Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Domestic, F/F, Fluff, Genderfluid Character, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Mutual Pining, Past Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-11
Updated: 2017-10-06
Packaged: 2018-09-23 14:07:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9660590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/virvatulilla/pseuds/virvatulilla
Summary: Roommates AU. A "fanfic" for my original work.Sera, an university student forced to live in her sister's house, is in need of a roommate, and happens to overhear someone else talking about the same thing.





	1. Bribe Them With Tea

Finding a roommate wasn't easy. Sera had been trying to get a roommate for months – without success. She wanted very badly to move away from the room she shared with her niece and nephew, but she couldn't afford living alone. Not in the area from where it would take less than fourty minutes to come to the university using public transport. None of her friends who didn't already live with someone lived in the same city, and all people she had talked to online about becoming roommates had stopped replying.

"What was that bit about the programming course?" Niroe asked, yawning. Because her voice wasn't very strong, half of her speech was sign language, especially in the noisy hallways. "I was half asleep."

"The professor just said that she'll put a link on the web course site," Sera said, yawning as well. "Why do you even come to the lectures if all you do is sleep through them?"

Niroe shrugged. "It's a habit, I guess," she explained. "You know, like in high school you're supposed to be in every class, so I just come to every lecture as well. Do you think I should stop doing it?"

"The moment you start snoring, _yes_ ," Sera said, rolling her eyes. "Nobody cares if you sleep quietly, but please don't start disturbing others. Or start going to sleep earlier if you need to come to the morning lectures."

Niroe smiled smugly. "Unlike you, I have a girlfriend," she said. "And because of her new work shifts, she usually comes home quite late every other day. You know what that means."

Sera glared at Niroe. "Actually it doesn't mean you are obliged to have sex with her until two in the morning every other day," she objected. "Which I am aware you do. I spent one night in your room. _I know_."

"What," Niroe asked flatly. "Surely it wasn't that bad."

"No, not bad," Sera sneered. "I'm sure you were enjoying yourselves. But I wasn't."

"It's not like we didn't ask you to join us–"

"I know, I know," Sera agreed. "And I said no. Also, I was going somewhere with this conversation but this is not it."

Niroe chuckled softly. "Well, I would love to continue this conversation," she said, "but I'll have to go. My next lecture is on another campus so I'll have to hurry if I want to be on time."

Sera waved Niroe goodbye, and went to the luggage lockers to get her stuff. Her next lecture wouldn't start in a couple of hours, so she figured she would go to the library to do homework.

"-so I really need a roommate."

Sera, who had been walking past a group of acquaintances, stopped dead in her tracks to see who was talking.

"Have you tried looking online? It's not that hard to live alone, either."

"I know, but living on my own is getting harder."

It was Asheden. Sera stepped in the conversation. "You're looking for a roommate?" she asked. "Me too."

Asheden looked at Sera suspiciously. "You're one of our freshmen, right?" she asked. "Was your name Sera? Okay. Let's go. Right now."

Asheden grabbed Sera's arm and pulled her along. "Where are we going?" she asked, trying to keep up with Asheden's pace.

"To see the apartment, of course," Asheden said, letting go of Sera's arm.

"So you're saying," Sera confirmed, "That you already have an apartment? And just needed someone to move in with you?"

Asheden nodded. "Exactly", she said. "It's in this building."

Sera looked around. The building was old, and about fifteen storeys high. "Something this close to the university? I can't afford anything this expensive."

Asheden pushed open the door to the staircase. "It won't cost you as much as a rented apartment would. It belonged to my late mother, so there's no rent. You'll pay half of the living costs and we can call that the rent."

"Well, that doesn't sound suspicious at all," Sera mumbled when they were walking up the stairs. "Like, water, electricity, insurance, internet, food and that kind of things then?"

"That's about it," Asheden said when they reached the top floor, "although this is an old building, so there might be repairs at some point."

The apartment was bigger than Sera had expected. And messier. "I'm sorry about the chaos," Asheden said. "I haven't had time to clean up. But at least you can see what kind of mess to expect."

"This is quite okay," Sera said, "since it isn't dirty. Just messy. I can handle seeing other people's laundry on the floor, that's nothing new to me."

Asheden gave Sera a tour of the apartment. It had a walk-through kitchen (and a dishwasher), a quite large balcony with an astonishing view of the city, a living room that had huge windows, a spacious bedroom, a toilet with a shower, and one room that currently doubled as a storage room and was probably so much messier than the rest that Asheden said she wouldn't show it this time.

"So?" Asheden asked when they were sitting on the kitchen table drinking tea. "What do you think?”

Sera smiled. "This is _very_ nice indeed," she said. "I like how bright it is, I'm sure the view is super pretty at night. I would love to take photographs of that."

"The downside is that you wouldn't be living alone," Asheden said, "and we barely know each other, so there's that too. I will have to talk things through with you, so you'll have to be prepared for that."

"This tea is definitely a merit," Sera admitted. "What's the rest of the good stuff?"

"The good _stuff_ is that it's cheaper for you anyway," Asheden smiled gently, "and I think the view is always a good thing, and I like making food. Also, I have Netflix."

Sera sipped her tea while she thought about the offer. "When can I move in?"

"Whenever it suits you," Asheden said. "Preferably before Friday next week."

Sera gave it a thought. "I'll have to consult someone else first," she said. "Can I have your phone number? I'll let you know as soon as I've made the decision."

Asheden wrote the number on Sera's phone. "Make the decision by Friday," she emphasized. "I have to know whether I'll have to find a new roommate candidate, and I'd like to know it as soon as possible."

"I'll do that." Sera gulped down the rest of her tea. Friday was in two days, but she understood the rush. "Thanks for the tea."


	2. Just Because Of The Tea?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Debating whether moving in with a person you barely know is a good idea..

"You can't just move in like that with someone you hardly know!" was Vifaneres's first reaction. They were making food and she almost struck Sera with a knife trying to emphasize her point. "Just because she offered you tea and has Netflix."

"It wasn't just because of that," Sera protested. Vifaneres had been almost panicking in the kitchen when Sera showed up. Now there was a cake baking in the oven, and they were chopping vegetables for a stew.

"What else?" Vifaneres asked sarcastically. "She's so beautiful that after knowing of her existence for two months you're ready to die for her if she asks you to?"

Sera felt a blush creeping on her cheeks. "It's not like that," she said quietly. "Asheden is more _handsome_ than beautiful."

Vifaneres rolled her eyes. "So it _is_ about you being desperate for a new relationship after all," she said. "Why are you so fixated on having a relationship anyway? If you want to try doing it with a girl, there's plenty of opportunities to hook up. You do have one or two of those dating apps, right?"

Sera gave Vifaneres a flat look. "I don't want to just hook up," she said. "I need romance too much to do that. I have needs. You wouldn't understand since you married the first person you fell in love with."

"That's your problem, not mine," Vifaneres said. "What if something bad happens again? Hm? Aisleshan isn't here to save you this time. I'm the one who's gonna have to take care of you if something happens, and I'm not sure that's something I'm able to do."

"It's not like I'm selling both my kidneys on the black market or something," Sera scoffed.

"No, that's not what I was saying," Vifaneres said. "Don't make this into a joke. I'm concerned about you. Will you be able to take care of yourself when push comes to shove?"

"I'll manage somehow," Sera answered. "Aisleshan isn't my whole emotional support. Let's say I'll try it out – live with Asheden until New Year's and then think about it again."

Vifaneres sighed. "And then come back to live here if it doesn't work out?" she said. "I don't know if there's room for you then anymore. I'm having twins. And I already promised Aisleshan I'd let him stay here for a week when he comes to visit."

"I know all that," Sera said, "isn't that more of a reason for me to move out?"

"With someone you hardly know?"

"Hey, at least I know _something_ about her," Sera assured. "I've met her. And it's not your decision anyway. I was asking for your opinion. I think at least you and the kids will be exhilarated when I move out. Probably your husband as well."

"Alright, you'll do what you think is best," Vifaneres sighed. "We'll help you with the move. Or _I_ will at least, I don't know about my husband since he's going to Austria for a week. It had something to do with his work, I don't remember it that well."

"He told me he was going to the Netherlands," Sera said. "Do you think he's planning to go to both countries?"

"You ask him when he comes home," Vifaneres sighed. "He was supposed to be here half an hour ago."

They put the food to the table, and Vifaneres went to tell the kids that food was ready. Lorane and Faira rushed into the kitchen, and Sera had to tell them to go wash their hands first.

"Slow down!" Vifaneres shouted. "We still have to wait for our guests!"

Sera looked at Vifaneres. “We're having guests?” she asked. “So _that's_ why you wanted to bake a cake. Who is it?”

Vifaneres looked at Sera in surprise. “Didn't I tell you?” she asked. "Mom is coming to visit."

"WHAT?" Sera yelped. "Why didn't you say anything!? I look like I haven't showered or changed clothes in a week!"

Vifaneres was taking plates out of the cupboard. "Well, that's true though, isn't it?" she said.

"It doesn't matter because there isn't time for me to take a shower," Sera shouted, already in her room frantically searching for a change of clothes. "Mother will notice it anyway. But at least let me put presentable clothes on. When is your husband coming home?"

Sera heard someone opening the door. "I'm home!" said a voice Sera recognized as her sister's husband. She was pulling a shirt over her head, but got stuck and had to lay down to listen the smooching from the hallway.

"Can someone help me please?" Sera shouted. "I'm stuck!"

"What are you trying to do, exactly?"

Sera glared at Kúura, who was leaning against the door frame. "Help me put this shirt on," Sera said, getting awkwardly up from the floor. "This is Vifaneres's fault. She didn't tell me mother was coming to visit."

Kúura pulled Sera's shirt over her head. "There you go," he said and smirked. "Do you think your mother will think you're a decent human being if you hang around the house with no pants on?"

Sera rolled her eyes. "I was going to put on a skirt," she said. "But I got stuck before I could even decide which one."

"Well, which one are you going to put on?" Kúura asked, sitting down on Sera's bed. "The one with the skulls?"

"No, I was thinking of giving that to you."

Kúura gasped. "How _thoughtful_ ," he said. "I've always been jealous of that skirt. I love your tights too."

"The ones with the bunnies?" Sera snorted. "Okay, seriously though," she said, walking to the wardrobe and pulled a skirt out. "What about this one?"

Kúura wrinkled his nose. "I think red has never been your colour," he said. "If I were you, I'd put that purple one. The one with lace."

Sera rummaged through her part of the wardrobe. "Ooh, you meant this one?" she asked, showing the skirt to Kúura, who gave her a thumbs up. "Yeah, I like this too."

The doorbell rang. Sera quickly put on the skirt and checked her image from the mirror before following Kúura to the hallway.

The first thing her mother said to Sera was, "your hair is dirty, but give me a hug, anyway." Sera squeezed her mother tight, feeling like she had just come home – or home had come to her.

There was a lot of exchanging news during dinner. Kúura was uncharacteristically serious during the meal, like he always was around his kids' grandmother. Sera got asked at least three times if she had found someone already. She had to explain twice that she had only found a _roommate_ , and was not getting married any time soon.

 

After dinner and the cake had been eaten and put away and Kúura went to put the kids to sleep, Sera and Vifaneres stood in the hallway with their mother. "Are you going to have a housewarming party after you've moved in?" mother asked Sera when she was putting her coat on.

"Probably not," Sera said. "After New Year's, if I decide to live there after that."

Mother squished Sera's cheeks. "If you don't, you can come back home," she said. "I miss your playing."

Sera scoffed. "My trip to school would be a gazillion kilometers longer," she said, "so no thank you, but I appreciate the offer anyway."

"I hope you're bringing your family home for Christmas," mother said to Vifaneres, hugging her before taking her bags and proceeding to leave. "Even Soulieve is bringing his husband-to-be."

"I know," Vifaneres sighed. "That's all he talks about these days. Has he talked to you about their wedding yet?"

"No, but I'll call him and ask. My train is leaving, so I'll have to go now. Love you!"

Vifaneres leaned against the wall after their mother closed the door behind her. Sera pulled her mouth to a smile. "I'm going to take a shower," she announced.


	3. A Green Cup of Tea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The moving day!

"Is this all of your stuff?" Asheden asked when Sera stepped out of her sister's car. "Or is there a moving truck parked around the corner? It's nice that you could move this soon."

"No, this is everything", Sera admitted, going to open the car's large trunk. She had sent Asheden a message the same day, and they'd agreed that she could move in on Friday. "I don't have much. You see, I have so many older siblings, that when it was my time to move away from home my parents didn't have any spare furniture left or anything else to give me."

Vifaneres glared at Sera, but didn't feel the need to correct her statement when she went to greet Asheden before they started taking the boxes upstairs.

Vifaneres put the first box down and stretched her back. "I can't climb those stairs a second time," she stated. "Could I get a glass of water, please?"

"Yes, of course," Asheden said, offering to help Vifaneres sit down on the living room couch, but she refused the help.

"It's really nice," Vifaneres noted, looking around. "At least it's not messy this time."

"Yeah, I do clean up occasionally," Asheden said, handing Vifaneres a glass of water. "Do you want to stay here while we bring the rest of Sera's belongings up?"

Vifaneres nodded. "Being pregnant has to have some perks," she said.

"So, how many siblings do you have then?" Asheden asked when they were walking downstairs. "Is it a religion thing?"

"No, it's not that," Sera said, shaking her head. I do have six older siblings and five younger ones, but I guess mother just wanted a lot of kids. And we even have the same father."

"That sounds kinda intense," Asheden said. "I only have two younger siblings, and our age difference is twelve years, so we never were very close because of that  –I can take that box."

Sera lifted the box higher. "It's okay," she said. "I'm stronger than I look."

"I'll keep that in mind," Asheden nodded, lifting another box up.

They walked the stairs in silence for a while before Asheden asked another question. "Are your parents still married?"

Sera nodded. "Five of my siblings still live with them," she said. "I don't know how long they will be together, though. Mother said that the kids are the only reason she hasn't filed for divorce already."

Asheden hummed in acknowledge. "I guess a lot of couples break up after their kids leave the nest," she said. There was more silence when they put the boxes in the apartment, greeted Vifaneres and left for the last boxes.

"What about you?" Sera asked. "Your family."

Asheden sighed slightly. "My siblings have lived in custody since our mother died," she said. "We didn't have any family members that could have taken them in – also because nobody knows my father, and theirs left before knowing mother was pregnant."

"I'm sorry," Sera said. "That must have been difficult."

Asheden shrugged. "Shit happens," she said. "It's not new to me."

They carried the last boxes to the apartment in silence. Sera didn't know what she could have said after that conversation, and Asheden didn't seem to mind not having a conversation.

Vifaneres seemed to have recovered from her fatigue, because when Sera and Asheden arrived she had moved to lean on the balcony railing and was singing to herself.

"Your sister has a beautiful voice," Asheden said to Sera, probably intending not to disturb Vifaneres, but she immediately stopped.

"She's self-conscious about it," Sera whispered, albeit not that quietly. "Mother made all of us go to choir starting when we were, like, three, and play instruments. Maybe her ultimate goal in life was to give birth to a symphony orchestra or a small choir. Our father is a conductor, after all, and she's– well, she's an overachiever in everything she does."

"Wow, your family must be very artistic," Asheden said to both Sera and Vifaneres, who had come inside, closing the balcony door behind her. "With all that training and background like that. But why are you self-conscious about your voice then?"

Vifaneres's face was crimson. "All it took was one failure with my solo part in a concert, and mom left us immediately and didn't answer my calls for a week."

"Yeah, because she had forgotten she had five concerts in Berlin," Sera said. "And she left her phone at home."

"I thought she ran away because she was ashamed of me!"

The smile on Asheden's face looked empty. "That sounds like a terrible experience," she said without sounding like she had really meant it. "Would you like to stay and have tea with us?"

Vifaneres smiled politely. "Oh, not today," she said. "Thanks for the offer, but I'll have to go to work now."

Vifaneres slipped her shoes on, and pulled Sera into a brief hug. "You can call me if you need help," she said. "Although I know you'd rather call someone else, but since I live close... you know. See you."

Just like that, Sera was alone in her new apartment with her roommate, who had fallen silent. "Did you say something about tea?" she asked Asheden.

"Of course," Asheden pulled a smile on her face. "Do you want to start unpacking right away?"

Sera followed Asheden into the kitchen. "Well, most of it is clothes and notebooks," she said. "Not much to put into anywhere else than a closet, really."

Asheden was leaning against the counter and fiddling with her phone waiting for the tea to brew when she suddenly looked at Sera. "Speaking of closets..."

"What about closets?"

"Are you…in one?"

Sera opened her mouth, and closed it when she couldn't find anything to say. Asheden looked a bit apologetic. "I found your profile," she whispered, showing her phone to Sera.

"Oh no," Sera groaned, dragging her hands down her face. She had to go sit down at the living room table. "I thought I'd deleted that– to answer your question; yes, I came out of my pan closet to my parents about a year ago."

Asheden brought the tea pot and two mugs into the table. "How did they take it?" she asked, pushing the green mug towards Sera.

Sera chuckled. "Honestly? Father didn't even look up from his newspaper, and said 'well, you're not the first one to come out in this family, so you must already know that doesn't change anything', and mother just said, 'that's nice, darling, now go clean your room. And we'll have to talk about you bringing home girls'. They were pretty cool with it."

Asheden chuckled. "If only my mother would've been as accepting," she sighed. "How is the tea? Would you like cookies with it?"

"Cookies would be really nice," Sera said, pouring herself more tea. "This is _delicious_."

Soon the discussion turned to more practical things, and it didn't take long before they were curled up in blankets on the couch watching a movie on Netflix. Sera always had a hard time picking movies, but now they just picked the first movie from Asheden's list that Sera hadn't seen.

*

During the end credits – and after several cups of tea – Sera was feeling content. She felt safe and warm, leaning against Asheden, who was stroking her hair. Sera hummed softly, already dozing off.

Wait.

 _Asheden is_ _stroking my hair?_ Sera thought. _I like this too much._ _Oh fuck,_ _I_ _'m beginning t_ _o_ _have a crush._

Sera was on the verge of jumping up from the couch and running to the bathroom to be ashamed of herself when Asheden suddenly patted her on the shoulder. "There's still one bit," she said, directing Sera's attention to the movie once again. After the last bit Sera got up from the couch and stretched her back properly. "That was enjoyable," she said. "I'm going to brush my teeth now."

"That's appropriate," Asheden yawned. "When you're doing that I'm gonna put our dishes away."

After brushing her teeth Sera had to go through a couple of boxes to find her pajamas. She had had them since she was fifteen, so the superhero theme was no surprise. She grabbed a blanket from the couch and was sitting down when Asheden called her from the bedroom.

Sera stopped to lean on the doorframe. "You called?"

Asheden turned her head towards Sera. "Yeah," she said. "On which side do you want to sleep?"

Sera was quiet for a while. "You don't have another bed?"

"No."

"Not even a spare mattress so I could sleep on the floor?"

"I had one, but I didn't think I'd need it so I gave it away."

Sera stared at the narrow double bed. "Do I sleep on the couch, then?"

Asheden shrugged, sitting down on the bed. "If you can't sleep next to me, then you'll have to," she said. "I don't know how comfortable it is, though, because it's so short. All friends that have stayed here have had no difficulties sleeping next to me. But if you can't…"

Sera sighed and dragged a hand through her hair. "Well, I guess I don't mind if I get a separate cover, at least."

"That can be arranged," Asheden said, "since you're holding that in your arms right now."

Sera smiled wryly. "Is that so," she said flatly. "This is a blanket. It's not warm enough for me. Please tell me you have at least a second pillow."

"I assumed you'd bring your own things," Asheden said, "but I guess you can borrow a pillow for now."

"Is it my fault that I didn't realize I need to buy a bed?"

Asheden flinched at Sera's raised tone and immediately apologized. "I'm sorry," she said, lowering her head. "I didn't realize you wouldn't have those things."

Sera regretted raising her voice. "I guess I have some shopping to do," she sighed. "Do you know any good stores that sell that stuff?"

Asheden looked at her and nodded slightly. "I would appreciate it if you didn't raise your voice at me again," she said. "It's a– personal problem that I don't like to discuss further."

"I'm sorry I did that," Sera said. "It was uncalled for."

"I understand your reasons, though," Asheden sighed. "When you live with fifteen people it must be noisy at times."

"It still doesn't justify me raising my voice to you."

"I know. Let's drop the subject. Which side? I prefer the wall side, so if that's okay with you..."

Sera put the blanket in her arms on a chair, slowly stepping towards the bed. "It's totally okay with me," she said. Asheden nodded and stood up to change into night clothes and Sera sat on the bed with her back turned towards Asheden. She felt like her face was becoming crimson, and she had to dive under the covers to hide the blush.

 _We're sleeping in the same bed! I'm sleeping in the same bed with someone that isn't my family!_ Sera felt like her heart was going to burst. _Is this a test? What's happening? This is like the platonic bed-sharing trope in fanfiction, how am I going to explain this to Niroe without her thinking I have a crush Asheden– even if that's true?_

"I'm going to climb over you," Asheden announced after turning the lights off, and Sera let out a small squeak as she felt Asheden scramble over her to the wall side of the bed.

Asheden slipped under the covers beside Sera and she had to hold her breath when Asheden's leg brushed hers. _Wow_ , Sera thought. _Is this that big of a deal? Yes. Yes it is. I'm sleeping next to someone I like. Finally. What do I do if something happens?_

Sera was ready to run to the bathroom to be ashamed when Asheden turned towards her back. Even though the bed was a double bed, it was so narrow that she could feel Asheden's breath on her neck.

"Are you awake?"

Sera held her breath for a while before breathing out. "Haven't fallen asleep yet," she said quietly.

"It's nice to have you here with me," Asheden said. "I hope we get along and I can't wait to get to know you better– are you mad at me?"

"No," Sera said, turning to face Asheden in the dark, hoping her blush wasn't showing or Asheden wouldn't hear her frantic heartbeat. "I'm glad you wanted to try living with me. I also hope this works out." _Because you're totally one of the coolest people I know and I want to fall in love with you._

Sera didn't see the smile on Asheden's face, but she could hear it. "That's good to hear. Good night."

"Good night."

*

Falling asleep for the next couple of weeks were difficult for Sera, since some part of Asheden was constantly touching her. After one weekend they had decided getting another bed was a waste of money. Waking up was even more difficult than falling asleep, because of the cuddling.

After the first night sleeping in the same bed when Sera opened her eyes and realized she was awake, she immediately closed them. _They were cuddling_. Sera had her face in Asheden's hair, and her face was against Sera's chest, hands draped around each other's waists. Sera breathed in the mild cinnamon scent in Asheden's hair, pretending to be asleep.

Asheden was making a snuffling sound, her breath light on the bare part of Sera's chest. Sera was hoping Asheden was asleep too, or at least that she wouldn't notice her heart rate going up. Their legs were tangled together, and there was a warm morning sunshine seeping through the curtains. It felt so perfect that Sera wished the moment could last forever, and she would never have to face the reality of her definitely one-sided crush.

After a while Asheden would wake up and get out of bed, followed by Sera pretending to wake up and lie in bed long enough that Asheden had gotten dressed and proceeded to go brew their morning tea.

As Sera laid in the bed listening to Asheden hum softly with the sounds from the radio she found herself wishing that that kind of happines would last forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i couldn't resist the "platonic bed-sharing" trope... Thanks for reading!


	4. That's My Cup Of Tea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Domestic stuff and developing crushes. Talk about Asheden's identity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a slight warning for a short description of gutting a fish in the latter part of this chapter.

Sera stared at the pie on her plate. “What is this, exactly?”

Asheden shrugged. “I don't know.”

“What’s in it?”

“Just taste it.”

Sera gave Asheden a suspicious look. “You’ll arrange my funeral when I die.”

“It doesn’t have anything you're allergic to,” Asheden defended. “Unless you left something out of the list. Besides, killing you wouldn't make my life any easier. Funerals are always difficult.”

“It looks suspicious.”

“That's your problem,” Asheden said, taking a bite out of her piece of pie. “You’re prejudiced. It’s over faster if you just do it.”

Sera let out a groan, poking the pie with her spoon. Asheden reached over the table to take the spoon out of Sera’s hand, her mouth curling into a mischievous smile. “Here, I’ll help you,” she said, trying to keep a serious expression while taking some pie in the spoon. “A car is coming, open the garage doors.”

“What?” Sera was saying when Asheden put the spoon in her mouth.

Sera burst out laughing, almost choking on the pie in the process. Asheden grinned. “Do you like it?”

“I don’t know,” Sera said, coughing. “It apparently doesn’t like me doubting it since it’s trying to choke me.”

“Take another bite,” Asheden suggested, handing the spoon to Sera. “I’m sure you can do it by yourself.”

Sera gave a laugh, taking another bite of her piece of pie. “Surprising,” she said after the second bite. “I thought this would have been savory. But it’s very sweet. What’s in it?”

Asheden smiled smugly. “It’s a family secret,” she said, taking a long sip from her teacup.

“C’mon,” Sera begged, already taking another piece of the pie that was placed in the middle of the table. “Just a hint? It’s so _good_ I would let it murder me with peanuts.”

“No can do,” Asheden said. “You’re not a part of my family.”

Sera snorted. “What would I have to do to get in with the secret?” she joked. “Marry you?”

Asheden looked at Sera sharply. “I hope you’re joking.”

Sera blinked, confused about Asheden’s sudden harsh tone. “Yeah?” she laughed. “I’m not asking you to marry me, like, ever. It's not like I have a crush on you or anything.”

“Good,” Asheden said, shifting her gaze to her teacup. “It’s better for you if you don’t.”

 _Why do you think that?_ Sera wanted to ask, but didn’t quite have the courage to. Then the moment passed and Asheden got up. “Whose turn is it to do the dishes?”

Sera hummed. “I don’t remember,” she said.

“Well, you can just read that big list we have on the fridge door,” Asheden suggested.

Sera got up and walked to the fridge to look at the said list. “I suddenly can’t read,” she said, seeing her name on the list for that day. “But I’m pretty sure it’s your turn.”

Asheden gave Sera a wry smile. “I made the food.”

“Well, _I_ have a report due today.”

“Didn’t you return that yesterday?” Asheden asked. “I quite distinctively remember you barging through the balcony door singing We Are The Champions when I was trying to finish my report. I was outside. Because of your constant groaning.”

Sera smirked. “Yeah, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s due today.”

The look on Asheden’s face softened. “I can read the list for you,” she said, but Sera moved in front of the fridge before Asheden could grab the list. “Over my living body.”

Asheden gave a small, surprised laugh that made Sera’s heart do a backflip. “Isn’t it supposed to be ‘over my _dead_ body’?”

“Fuck what it’s supposed to be,” Sera said. “I don’t want to die today. Unless that pie murders me, that would be fine by me.”

Asheden smiled. “What do you say to us doing the dishes together, then?” she suggested. “I can dry them. I could always start threatening you with peanuts if you don’t agree.”

Sera smirked. “Okay, I give up,” she said. “Give me the dishes. And put the radio on! I refuse to do the dishes in silence!”

As Sera opened the faucet to let water into the sink Asheden opened the radio.

Sera couldn’t help but dance and sing while she was doing the dishes. Asheden found it funny and eventually started humming along while drying the dishes Sera handed to her. When they were putting the dishes into the cupboard Asheden started dancing a little.

“That’s my girl!” Sera laughed.

“Please don’t call me that,” Asheden said, stopping at once. Sera slapped a hand over her mouth. “Oh, I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t realize…”

“How can you not notice?” Asheden asked, crossing her arms across her chest. “Don’t tell me in the month we’ve lived together you didn't notice I don’t have boobs?"

“I'm sorry that I just assumed you were a woman,” Sera muttered. “I mean, four of my siblings are trans or nonbinary, so you'd think I had learned not to assume those things. Seems like I still need practice.”

“Are you making this about you?” Asheden sounded a hint offended.

“Oh no, I'm sorry,” Sera said hastily. “Do you want to have a conversation about your gender? Like, would you mind explaining to me how you want to be acknowledged?”

Asheden moved back to their seat on the table. “Most of the time I'm fine with feminine pronouns, but other than that, please don't refer to me as a woman,” they said. “Have you heard about, um… being genderfluid? Or bigender?”

Sera nodded, sitting down opposite to Asheden. “I’ve heard the terms,” she said. “But do you mind explaining what it means to you?”

“It means that my gender changes every couple of days,” Asheden explained. “I’m not certain about everything yet, but that part is certain. I do feel like… like I might have two genders, and at least one of them changes, you know?”

“I think I can kinda imagine what you mean,” Sera said. “How do you want me to acknowledge that?”

“It would be great if you noticed when I have different clothes on,” Asheden said. “Or you could also refer to me with they/them pronouns if you’re not sure. I do use makeup on the days I feel extremely feminine. If you haven’t noticed.”

“You bet I’ve noticed,” Sera muttered. “Just to be sure: are you comfortable with me always referring to you with female pronouns?”

Asheden nodded. “Yes, you can do that and I’ll let you know in when I want to be addressed in a different way,” she said. “I don’t have many days when I’m feeling so masculine I’d want to use masculine pronouns, so it’s going to be either she/her or they/them. Today is a they-day, to be honest.”

“Good to know. I’ll remember that,” Sera said. “Oh, by the way, do you have homework to do today?”

Asheden shook their head, looking surprised. “Why?”

“I was thinking we could finish watching that Black Sails season we started last week.”

Asheden’s smile made Sera’s heart do a barrel roll. “Sure,” they said. “Do you want popcorn?”

“Hell yeah,” Sera said. “I can make us popcorn, you go put the show on.”

“Don’t burn them again!” Asheden called when Sera started to take the popcorn-making kit from the cupboard. “Or if you could at least cook in a way that doesn’t make the fire detector go off!”

“I can’t promise anything,” she chuckled to herself.

 

*

 

Asheden was away from home a lot more than Sera. It didn’t seem to bother Sera very much since that way she could practice playing and singing as much as she wanted to. Asheden had told her she could also do it when they were both home, but Sera had opposed. According to her, everyone would eventually become tired of hearing her practice the same three pieces over and over again.

Sometimes Asheden spent nights away from home unannounced, or didn’t come home until morning. After a month Sera had had the courage to ask Asheden what it was about. Asheden had been silent for a very long time, finally answering that it had a lot to do with mental health issues. They didn’t want to talk about it then, and were glad Sera hadn’t felt the need to ask any more questions.

 

_Conversation between Asheden and Sera (8th of October)_

S: (10:10) heyy ^^

(10:10) are u free this weeknd

(10:10) ???

(10:13) ??????

(10:14) ?

(10:14) oh i just remembered you’re in class i’ll wait

A: (11:45) What is it? I am free the whole weekend.

S: (11:46) great!!!!!! well now you’re not

(11:46) we’re going somewhere

(11:46) on saturday (almost the whole day)

(11:46) if it’s okay

(11:46) ?

(11:46) since it’s tomorrow alraedy

A: (11:50) Yes, it’s okay. Where are we going?

S: (11:50) it’s a secret :)

(11:50) u will see

 

When Asheden came home in the evening Sera was playing her viola, but she stopped as soon as Asheden closed the door. Sera had explained that it was different to play when you were alone than when someone was in the same apartment and you knew they could hear you. She wouldn’t mind singing when others could hear, and Asheden loved hearing her voice. Lucky for them, Sera loved singing and would take up every opportunity to sing or hum, sometimes even annoying Asheden with her song choices.

“I’m home,” Asheden said, taking their coat off and letting their bag fall on the floor.

“Welcome home!” Sera replied cheerfully, apparently while putting her viola away from the sound of it. “Are you hungry? I made avocado pasta.”

Asheden groaned while taking their shoes off. “Did you eat already?”

“No, that’s why I asked you when you were coming home,” she said, coming to stand in the doorway to the vestibule. “It’s still warm too.”

“This is like character development,” Asheden commented. “You’re leveling up! Let’s eat that pasta.”

Sera didn’t seem to be able to look Asheden in the eyes after their comment. She turned away and hurried to sit in the table where she had already prepared everything. Asheden was half expecting candles, but Sera probably just hadn’t found any.

As far as Asheden was concerned, watching other people and making jokes with a stern face were a couple of the best things in the world. They usually didn’t develop feelings for people – or hadn’t in years, mostly because of self-esteem issues – but now, as they watched Sera living so intensely and so close every day, Asheden was feeling something inside them. It was a warm feeling they knew had to be stifled, and they tried. Only if Sera didn’t make the feelings so hard to ignore.

That night they were watching a movie, curled up against each other on the couch. Sera’s head was in Asheden’s lap and they were stroking her hair when Asheden felt so good they had to pause the movie.

“What is it?” Sera asked, looking at Asheden with a worried expression. “Are you not feeling good?”

Asheden stroked Sera’s hair by her temple. “I’m feeling so good that I’m starting to doubt whether this is real,” they said softly. “I don’t know why. It’s weird.”

“Do you need to know the specific reason for your feelings?” Sera asked. “I have to admit cuddling like this never fails to make me feel better. What about you?”

Asheden hummed softly. “I guess it’s the cuddling,” they said. “But feeling this good is quite unusual to me. It could be because I finally got around to talk about my gender with you. It’s always a thing that’s on my mind if there’s a person that doesn’t know.”

“Do you want to talk about it more?” Sera offered. “I know I’m maybe not the best person to discuss nonbinary things with you but I’m always willing to listen to you. About anything.”

Asheden smiled. “Thank you for the offer,” they said, “I will try to remember that. And I go to a nonbinary support group, so there are people I can discuss nonbinary things with. We could also continue this movie though?”

“Sure,” Sera said, turning towards the screen. “Please keep stroking my hair. It feels nice.”

 

On Saturday morning Sera was awake before Asheden. The empty side of the bed made Asheden feel a surge of dread and jump up from the bed in record speed. They were almost on the verge of a panic attack when they heard Sera’s voice from the living room. “Are you awake?”

Asheden put a hand on their– her chest. “Sounds like you’ve been awake for some time,” she said to Sera, plodding to the bathroom. “Are we leaving soon?”

Sera came to lean on the bathroom door frame when Asheden was brushing her teeth. Sera’s hair was in a loose bun, wavy strands of hair framing her face. “In an hour,” she said, twiddling a spatula in her hands. “I woke up earlier than usual to make pancakes for breakfast. I was trying to make you a breakfast in bed, but we have to eat by the table now that you’ve gotten up.”

“Can’t I go back to bed?” Asheden asked through her mouthful of foam from the toothpaste.

Sera shook her head. “It’s not possible,” she said. “There’s no point in it if you have already gotten out of bed.”

Asheden rinsed her mouth. “Are the pancakes burning?” she asked. “You’ve been chilling out here with your spatula for an ominously long time already.”

Sera chuckled. “Not this time,” she said. “I already put everything away. You see, I’m growing as a person who cooks things.”

“I see,” Asheden said and walked past Sera to the bedroom to change her clothes.

Sera had put the food on the table when Asheden walked through the kitchen to the dining table. “Is today still a they-day?” she asked Asheden while she was taking maple syrup from the cupboard.

“Nah,” Asheden smiled as she sat down opposite to Sera in the table. “It’s changed. I’m feeling pretty girly today. I might even put on makeup or a dress, depending on where we’re going today.”

“It’s still a secret,” Sera said with her mouth full of pancake, “but we will spend time outside and won’t be back until evening. And well, I’m putting on a skirt and will be changing into pants when it’s time to be outside, so you can do that as well.”

After they had eaten breakfast and Sera had washed the dishes Sera got a call. In a minute she informed Asheden that their ride was there. Asheden, who had been debating whether or not put on makeup decided against it. In less than ten minutes they both were out of the house and in the car of someone Asheden hadn’t met before.

“Hi,” said the person in the front seat when Sera and Asheden sat in the back seat. “You must be Asheden. I’m Kúura, Sera’s sister’s husband and wife. Mostly husband, though.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” Asheden said. “Why didn’t your wife come along too?”

“She had to stay home with her mother and the kids,” Kúura smiled, starting the car. “It’s nice to meet you too. Sera has told me so much about you.”

“I haven’t!” Sera protested, and Asheden could see the blush appearing on her face.

“Oh really,” Kúura said in a flat voice. “What about that time you sent me a message at three in the morning and said you couldn’t sleep because–”

“Stop it!” Sera yelled, her face red as a tomato. “She doesn’t need to know that. Just concentrate on driving.”

“I feel like I need to know,” Asheden said to Kúura. “Does she talk about me a lot?”

Sera groaned and buried her face in her hands while Kúura was chuckling for his victory. “Every day,” he said. “It’s quite adorable, to be honest. She worries about you. And sends me an incoherent jumble of letters every other day because you said or did something that… she thinks is cute.”

Asheden looked at Sera. “Is it true?” she asked. “You think I’m cute?”

Sera looked at her with a pout and nodded reluctantly.

“You’re probably the first person to ever think like that about me,” Asheden admitted. “But why are you saying it to Kúura and not to me?”

Sera’s face was still red. “I don’t… I’m not good at expressing things like that,” she said, “and I wasn’t sure how you’d take it. Should I… I mean– would you want me to say it to you?”

There was a silence during which Asheden just stared at Sera. She knew what she wanted, but what would Sera think of her if she knew? Would she still want to be with her if she knew the truth, and that Asheden had been hiding the truth from her?

Finally Asheden nodded. “I would like to hear those things from you,” she said. “You know I appreciate your opinions.”

Asheden hadn’t thought it would have been possible for Sera to turn even redder, but it happened. Sera had to turn to look out of the window. Nobody said anything for a while, and eventually Kúura put the radio on.

The car ride lasted for three hours, but the rest of the ride wasn’t as awkward as the first twenty minutes. When Sera started singing along to the music, the atmosphere was immediately lighter. Kúura joined in as well when the right song came along, and even Asheden started humming along after a while.

The car pulled to a stop in the middle of a forest at the end of a dirt road. According to Kúura it would take them only twenty minutes to reach their destination by foot. He was apparently also in on the big secret that was their destination, but now Asheden had a hunch what it could be.

All of them had at least two bags to carry through the woods. The whole time Sera seemed like she was about to say something but stayed silent. It gave Asheden time to appreciate the forest. Most of the trees didn’t have leaves anymore, but the ground was covered in red, brown and yellow leaves. There was a cool wind shaking the trees. Sera was humming something that sounded like a children’s song, only stopping to point out a squirrel and making sure Asheden saw it too.

After walking on a narrow forest path for twenty minutes they arrived in a grassy yard. On one side there was a small lake, and an old cottage on another. Asheden smiled. “I guess this is a family cottage,” she said as they were making their way through the yard to the cottage.

Sera’s face was glowing from excitement. “I spent most of my summers here as a child,” she explained, talking very fast. “A good thing about having a big family is that most of the time you have enough people to carry all your stuff at once, although with that many people there’s also always so much stuff that you still have to make at least two trips and–”

“Seems like we’re not alone after all,” Kúura said to Sera. “Which one of your siblings lives so close they don’t have to come here by car?”

Sera frowned. “No one,” she said, “but they might have left their car beside the pine tree. It could be anyone.”

Asheden was immediately more reserved, even though Sera had assured her weeks ago that everyone in her family was open-minded. Somehow Asheden couldn’t shake the feeling that it would be like meeting a girlfriend’s family for the first time: awkward and uncomfortable.

“Greetings to the forest people!” Sera yelled from the door. “I bring people from the big city!”

They were greeted by three people, all rising up from the floor where they had been playing Monopoly. Asheden was greeted with such warm smiles and hugs that she was speechless for some time. The people currently on a week’s vacation were Sera’s siblings: Chalusinne, the family’s eldest daughter, along with Thara and Aizer, Sera’s brothers closest to her in age. Asheden, who had only seen one of Sera’s siblings before was surprised to notice that everyone else looked like each other except for Sera.

Their reason for being there was apparently still a secret from Asheden, since Sera had to whisper it to Chalusinne when they were asked. Chalusinne smiled. “Would you want to have dinner with us? The boys wanted to try fishing, but if they don’t catch anything we have leftovers from yesterday.”

“I want to go fishing too!” Sera said. “Are we going now? Asheden, Kúura, do either of you mind? Do you want to come along?”

Asheden shook her head, and so did Kúura. “We could see if we could find mushrooms though?” Kúura suggested. “Or what do you want to do, Asheden?”

“Looking for mushrooms sounds like my thing,” Asheden said. “Are there still mushrooms though? It’s already October.”

Chalusinne smiled. “I went to pick mushrooms on Wednesday so yes,” she said. “Boletes and some chantarelles for example. Kúura, do you know your way around the forest already or do I come with you?”

“That would be appreciated,” Kúura said, stepping away from the door when Sera and her brothers left to get their fishing gear. “We would get lost in no time.”

The afternoon went by in a flash. When Asheden, Chalusinne and Kúura got back to the cottage with their mushrooms, Sera and her brothers had laid their catched fish on a borad in the yard. They had catched some perches and three huge pikes. Sera was quick to brag that she had caught the biggest two and Aizer had caught only perches. As natural as Sera and her siblings made it seem, gutting fish looked brutal to Asheden. She had to go sit on the other side of the yard when Sera started to pull the fish guts on the board that was already soaked in fish blood. Kúura joined her shortly.

The fish turned into food in no time after the edible parts had been separated from the inedible ones. The cottage also had a cellar for root vegetables, and the potatoes they fetched for the potato mash were from the cottage's own plot.

After the meal Asheden shared the fact that she had never eaten food that was as organic as this particular meal. Even the milk and _butter_ had been not from a store but a nearby farm.

When the sun was setting Asheden finally got to know the purpose of their visits. “The _stars_ ,” Sera whispered excitedly. “You told me you have lived in a big city your whole life and have never seen the Milky Way except in pictures. Also there’s supposed to be a meteor shower tonight – the Draconids – so I hope we get to see shooting stars as well! We’re lucky the sky is still clear.”

Most of the stuff they had brought had been put into a storage so there wasn’t much to carry to the car before their hike to the highest clearing in the forest. The stars were already visible in the sky, and Asheden listened curiously when Sera pointed out different constellations to her, becoming even more excited when Asheden started asking her questions about stars and meteors.

Kúura had bought a telescope with him. “A passion for everything space-related is one of the things me and Sera have in common,” he explained while putting up the telescope.

“Then why are you two not married?” Asheden asked, only half joking.

Kúura answered seriously, ignoring Sera sounding like she almost choked. “I met Sera only after I was married,” he said, “but I think we wouldn’t have fallen in love with each other in any case. We almost have too much in common– I couldn’t live alone with Sera. And I wanted children very much, so it was nice to marry someone who already had two. I don’t think Sera wants children.”

Sera groaned. “We’re here to watch the stars, not talk about marriage,” Sera said. “I’ve said that I don’t want to give birth. If my hypothetical partner wanted children I wouldn’t be opposed to the idea. But I won’t give birth– oh! I saw a shooting star! Aaand I forgot to wish for something.”

Asheden turned to look at the sky. There were so _many_ stars. She could clearly detect the Milky Way, which Sera had pointed out to her in case she could somehow not see where it was.

Sera had been too excited to put on a jacket, and was now trembling from the cold. Asheden pointed it out, offering to give Sera her jacket. “I’d rather be inside that jacket with you,” Sera said without missing a beat.

Asheden’s heart sure missed a beat when she heard Sera say that. She wanted to think she had intended it to sound like a romantic gesture, but at the same time she hoped it hadn’t. Nonetheless she moved behind Sera, hugging her and trying to fit them both inside the jacket.

That night Asheden saw twenty shooting stars. But the thing she couldn’t get out of her mind when they were sitting in the car on the ride home was Sera. Asheden stared at her sleeping roommate whose head was leaning against the car window, the street lamps making shadows dance on her face. Were they having a crush on each other? It sounded almost too good to be true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter took longer than i thought, and it is longer than i planned. This was too good and fluffy so the next chapter is going to be... painful.


	5. A Broken Teacup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Asheden and Sera's party goes wrong when an unwelcome guest appears...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a warning for meeting the abuser, and briefly talking about the abuse and suicide attempts

“Let’s have a party.”

Sera looked up in surprise. “Why? I thought you didn’t like parties.”

Asheden sat down on the couch beside Sera. “You’re right. I don’t,” they said, “but my friends have been pestering me about one, since they want to see each other and meet you. I guess we could say it’s to celebrate our first two and a half months of living together.”

“Why do they need you to arrange a party to see each other?”

Asheden sighed, shaking their head. “I’m the only one who has everyone’s contact information,” they said. “Or maybe everyone wants to make sure I don’t cancel at the last moment, because that’s what I usually do.”

Sera nodded. “Okay,” she said. “When are we having this party? And what is it gonna be like?”

After a moment of negotiation they decided the party was going to be next Friday. Asheden said they needed to bake at least one cake and something savory in order to keep everyone from becoming too drunk, because it was almost certain everyone would bring their own drinks. Asheden knew their friends wouldn’t be drinking too much if they asked, but there was always a possibility.

Sera invited Niroe with her girlfriend and a couple of friends who she said probably would not come since they lived in an another city. As Asheden was apparently one of the most introverted people Sera had met, she was surprised about how many people they ended up inviting. “The more the merrier, right?” Asheden said to Sera, who shrugged, humming in agreement. Asheden found theirself hoping that Sera would have preferred to have a party with just the two of them. _What am I thinking? Of course she doesn’t want that_ , they thought. _Why would she? She even told me she didn’t have a crush on me, and besides we’re alone together most of the time. It’s better for both of us to have more people around for a change_.

* * *

 

Soon it was Friday. Asheden had been planning to be the prettiest girl in the party but when Friday came, there had to be a change of plans.

“I wanted to be pretty today,” he whined to Sera when they were in the bedroom preparing their outfits for the party. “But today I had to be this masculine. It’s kinda nice, but still.”

“Why can’t you be pretty if you’re masculine?” Sera asked, taking her shirt off in a way that forced Asheden to turn his head because he wouldn’t have been able to tear his eyes away from her.

“I would be dysphoric if I put on a dress when I’m feeling this way,” Asheden explained, while trying to tell himself that he had seen Sera half-naked before and that it was nothing to get excited about. _Not that Sera isn’t extremely attractive, I just don’t have a crush on her, right?_

“What about makeup?” Sera asked. “Is that a no-go too?”

Asheden looked at himself in the mirror. “No, I’m gonna put on make-up,” he said. “Just… I can’t be too flamboyant. And I need to take a shower first.”

Asheden had just gotten out of the shower and was drying his hair when the first guests arrived. They were early, so Asheden had time to put on his makeup before the rest of the guests were there. When it was half an hour past the starting time and they were still expecting people Sera said that it had to be someone Asheden had invited. Apparently most of the friends she had invited wouldn’t show up.

They were in the kitchen talking about that when Rosinoleinet came to tell Asheden something.

“Geras called me and said he’s going to be late a few hours,” Rosinoleinet said. “He didn’t tell me the details but it was some family drama. Geras said something about having to take his brother to the hospital, and I think I heard someone mention the police.”

Asheden bit his lip. He had an idea about what it could be in the worst-case scenario, and the thought sent shivers down his spine. “Well, we’ll just have a good time without him then,” Asheden said. “Should we cut the cake?”

Sera stepped in before anyone could move. “Could everyone introduce themselves before we do anything else?” she said. “Most of you seem to know each other pretty well but I think I didn’t even catch everyone’s names.”

Asheden, who was standing beside the kitchen door grabbed Nangien by the shoulder because Rosinoleinet had fled to sit further away from him. “You can start,” he said and pushed Nangien back on the floor because otherwise she would’ve sneaked to the kitchen and ate all the cake. “Tell everyone your name and…”

“Your Hogwarts house,” Reiven continued, “and how you know Sera or Asheden. And your pronouns, if you want to be sure to avoid being misgendered,” she added, looking straight at Asheden.

“Then I’ll start,” Asheden said. “My name is Asheden, I met myself a few years ago at Geras’s son’s naming occasion. Today I’m using he/him pronouns… what was the last question?”

“Your Hogwarts house!” Reiven yelled.

“Oh, right,” Asheden chuckled. “I’m a Hufflepuff. Next.”

Nangien stood up. “I’m Nangien. I’ve known Asheden since kindergarten. We’ve been at the same martial arts club from when we were… how old? Six? Yeah. Aaand I’m a Slytherin.”

Reiven, who sat next to Nangien held out his fist for a fistbump from Nangien. “Hell yeah!” she laughed. “Slytherin pride! I’m Reiven, but some people call me Rey – how I know Asheden is a secret, and you’ll have to ask Asheden about it if you want to know.”

“Um, I’m Nidas,” said the person with white hair and piercings in their face sitting on a chair next to Reiven. “I met Asheden at the university’s anime club last year, and I’m a Ravenclaw. Was there anything else I should say? Oh, yes, I use they/them pronouns.”

“Is it my turn?” asked the person beside Nidas. “Yeah. I’m Rosinoleinet – please don’t call me Rose – also a Ravenclaw. I know Asheden from a nonbinary support group, and I also know Geras from my art school. And I use she/her pronouns. Tindro, you’re next.”

“Yeah,” Tindro said. “Well, that’s my name you all heard her, um, I’m a Gryffindor, and I know Asheden through my big sister Reiven, but we’ve already known each other for several years.”

Sera suddenly moved to the other side of her two friends, who were sitting on the couch. Asheden looked at them expectantly, since they were the only two people in the room he’d only heard about.

“I’m Niroe,” said the girl with bright orange hair. “I’m also a Slytherin– quite a lot of us here today – and I have known Sera for an infinite amount of years–”

“Probably three,” Sera commented.

“Actually five,” Niroe defended. “High school was longer ago than you remember.”

Sera shrugged, and Niroe elbowed the person next to her. “Hi!” they said. “I’m partially blind so I can’t see most of you, but I’m Sharra, Niroe’s girlfriend, and I know Sera through her. And I’m a Hufflepuff. Is it Sera’s turn next?”

Sera hummed. “Yeah, hello everyone, I’m Asheden’s new roommate,” she said. “I’m a Gryffindor and I met Asheden at the university because we have the same major. Next thing that happens is eating, and I hope there’s enough for everyone. You might have guessed that Asheden did most of the cooking and said the most helpful thing I could do was to stay out of his way. There’s something for everyone, now go and get some cake!”

Asheden felt warm when he watched Sera mingle with the guests and laugh at their jokes. It was a nice feeling, and Asheden felt better than he had in a long time. Sera seemed to fill the room with light and warmth that was radiating from her whole being. Asheden knew that was the reason he should stay away from Sera, but at the same time he wanted to be as close to her as he could.

It was almost midnight, some of the guests had already left and everyone still in the apartment was gathered in the bedroom to play something when the doorbell rang urgently. “That must be Geras,” Asheden said. “You all stay here, I’ll bring him to you.”

The doorbell rang again, and Asheden hurried to the door. “Is something wrong?” he asked, opening the door to Geras, who was panting.

“Close it,” Geras said, hurrying into the apartment past Asheden. “Before–”

“Why wouldn’t you let me in?”

The familiar voice – too familiar even – made Asheden’s brain short-circuit, leaving him paralyzed and the door halfway open. The Man came up the stairs after Geras and grabbed the side of the door. “I’m coming in,” he said. “Kinda funny to be here, because your mom would never have let me in.”

Geras grabbed Asheden’s wrist when the Man walked past them into the apartment. “I’m so sorry,” he said in a hushed voice. “I couldn’t stop him– I tried, and he should be in prison– what he did to Vicos–”

“I know it’s impossible to stop him,” Asheden said, finally closing the door. “Go to the bedroom and don’t let anyone interfere with this. This should be between me and him. Now go. Make them distracted.”

Geras nodded, going into the bedroom while Asheden followed the man into the living room. Asheden had to press his hands into fists, because he couldn’t stop them from shaking.

The Man was looking around in the living room. “To be honest, I don’t quite understand why you hated your mom so much,” he said, looking around. “This is a nice apartment. She also left you a big fortune, or so I’ve heard.”

“What are you doing here?” Asheden asked, barely containing the panic that was starting to bubble inside his chest. “What happened to the restraining order?”

The Man didn’t seem to notice Asheden’s hostile tone. “I wanted to see your cute little face,” he said, stepping closer to Asheden. “Do I still owe you an apology? After what, five years? I don’t understand your reasoning behind it – I just did what a nice guy like me could in that situation.”

Asheden felt like shouting, but kept his voice down by force. “I was _sixteen_.”

“And I was twenty-eight,” the Man said, coming close enough that Asheden could feel his breath on his face. “What are you trying to say, dear?”

The Man stroked Asheden’s cheek with a forefinger and Asheden could feel his heart trying to beat its way out through his chest, almost tasting bile in his mouth. He felt his breath hitch in his throat, and thought, _please, no, I don’t want to have a panic attack in front of him…_ “I am saying–” Asheden said through gritted teeth, “get out of my house. Right. Now. You’re not welcome here.”

The Man laughed. “You’re so cute when you try to act serious,” he said, gripping Asheden by the jaw. “Like a little bunny. I guess you’re going to shout for your friends to help you – isn’t that what girls do when they’re in trouble? You don’t have to do that. You know I’m a nice guy.”

The edges of Asheden’s vision were turning black as he felt panic rising in his chest. He wasn’t even fully aware of his body when he tore himself away from the Man and scrambled to the balcony door, flinging it shut behind him. But he wasn’t fast enough and the Man got a foot between the door.

The Man didn’t come outside because of the November cold, to Asheden’s luck. Asheden was shivering not only because of the cold but also the incomprehensibly violent thoughts running through his mind.

“C’mon now, Ash,” the Man said angrily from the doorway when Asheden leaned against the balcony railing, trying to hold himself back from just flinging himself over. “Seriously? You’re always like this. What’s your fucking problem, woman? You know what’s gonna happen when you try to kill yourself again? Nobody’s gonna miss your fucking dumb bitch-ass. You fucking hear me? I was the only person who cared about you, and what did you do besides try to kill yourself? Sued me for _supposedly_ raping you yadda yadda and for– _child abuse_ ? Twice? I _helped_ your fucking sorry ass when your mommy didn’t love you. You should be _thankful_. How could anybody love a person like you? I heard some new shit about you changing your gender or some shit. You should probably get your head checked– oh, wait, you don’t have to because when you jump they’ll see your brain on the sidewalk and know just how fucked-up you are!”

Asheden’s ears were ringing as he squeezed the necklace he always kept under his shirt. He just wanted The Man to leave. Or shut up – but The Man wouldn’t do either. Instead he took a teacup that had been sitting on the table and smashed onto the balcony floor. “If I stay here, someone will claim I made you jump,” the Man sighed when Asheden climbed onto the balcony railing. “I hope I’ll see you again when you’ve come to your senses.”

Asheden wasn’t sure he even noticed The Man leaving. He couldn’t feel his hands anymore and was gasping for breath too quickly. The ground was so far away, and he caught himself thinking _maybe he is right. Maybe nobody will miss me_.

Asheden felt someone coming to stand next to him, saying nothing. The panic attack took a while to wear off, but having someone beside him and grabbing his hand tight helped. It wasn’t much, but in that moment it was enough. When Asheden could breathe normally again he sighed. “I wouldn’t actually do it,” he said, not sounding as reassuring as he would’ve liked. “I just…” he trailed off.

“You don’t have to talk about it,” Sera said quietly, when Asheden couldn’t speak anymore. “Can you come down? Is there something you need me to do?”

Asheden shook his head. “Can I talk to you for a second?” he asked. “Tell the people standing in the doorway that I’m fine… C-could you help me down? I’m not sure I can do it by myself…”

Sera’s hands were warm when she helped Asheden down and said something towards the doorway. Soon they were sitting on the balcony bench, huddled close together under three or four blankets. Asheden was grabbing Sera’s hands so tight it must have hurt her, but she didn’t seem to mind.

“What did you want to talk about?” Sera asked when Asheden couldn’t bring himself to say anything. “Is it about the asshole we had to kick out?”

“He… he’s not…” Asheden begun, but stopped himself. “Yes, he is a horrible person,” he admitted. “And dangerous, because he knows how to make others do what he wants, and thinks he’s always doing the right thing. Did you hear what he was saying?”

Sera nodded. “I’m sorry for what you’ve had to go through,” she said, squeezing Asheden’s hands gently. “Do you mind if I ask what happened between you and him?”

“Everything not good,” Asheden said, taking a gasping breath. “When I was fifteen and struggling with things at home he took me in, gave me things, I fell in love, he– he abused me. I didn’t even realize it at first, and afterwards I blamed myself for a long time for that – after I’d lived with him for five years. I attempted suicide five times the last year I was living with him…”

They both were quiet for a while. “Would you mind calling an ambulance for me?” Asheden asked, filling the silence. “I need to...”

“Yeah, of course,” Sera said, already beginning to take her phone out of her pocket, when Asheden stopped her. “Could you... make Geras do it instead? I don’t want you to let go of me. Could I get a hug?”

Sera wrapped her hands around Asheden’s shoulders while he put his arms around her waist. He didn’t hear the rest of what was happening, squeezing himself against Sera, listening the sound of her voice.

* * *

 

The paramedics said they would take Asheden to the mental ward, and told Sera he had told them to tell her he would call her when he could. Almost all of the guests had already left, Geras was the only one still in the apartment with Sera because Asheden had told him to stay with her.

“Do you want tea?” Sera asked Geras. “Or should we just go to sleep? I can’t make as good tea as Asheden, obviously, but it’s an option…”

“A glass of water is enough,” Geras said. “I’ve had a rough day.”

Sera fetched him a glass of water. “I’m worried about Asheden,” she said, sitting on one side of the table. “She told me something about what happened with the asshole, but… I thought I would get a heart attack when you said we’d have to call the police and all that.”

Geras sighed. “I couldn’t keep him away,” he said. “It feels like a personal insult that he– my uncle violated both of my most important people. They shouldn’t have gone through anything like that. And the worst thing is that everyone blames themselves for what _he_ did. Asheden used to blame himself, I blame myself, now Vicos blames himself… We all knew what he was capable of, but still it came as a surprise to everyone. Now we just have to hope he receives a prison sentence at least, in addition to the restraining order.”

Sera shook her head. “That’s… I can’t even imagine what that must feel like,” she said. “What’s going to happen now?”

“I actually talked this through with Asheden a month ago,” Geras said. “Asheden said that if something bad happens to him, he wants you to live with me when he’s not here. I mean– you probably won’t have to, but…”

“If it makes Asheden feel better, I’ll come,” Sera said immediately. “Do we go now? I’ll pack my stuff real quick.”

In thirty minutes Sera and Geras were stepping out of the apartment. Sera stood in the doorway for a while before closing the door, wondering whether it would be one of the last times she saw the apartment.


	6. Some Things Are More Important Than Tea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surprises and nicer things than in the previous chapter

Sera was browsing Netfilx when Asheden called. She had stayed the night at Niroe's apartment after spending a week in Geras's apartment – Asheden hadn't wanted her to stay alone at their apartment after what had happened.

Sharra was visiting her parents, so the night with Niroe had been relatively peaceful and quiet compared to some times Sera had been staying over.

Niroe was sound asleep after their annual Lord of the Rings -marathon, and Sera had to carefully climb over her in order to get to another room so she wouldn’t wake her up by talking on the phone.

"Hello," Sera said, and yawned. "What is it?"

Asheden was silent for a long time. "We need to talk."

A dread set into Sera's chest. Asheden sounded they had something serious talking to do. Had they found about Sera’s crush? Had they decided they wanted her to move out? What if they wouldn't be able to come home for a month? She tried to sound casual. "Okay? About what?"

"About me," Asheden said. "Can you come home? I'm on my way home now."

"It'll take a while," Sera said, looking at her wristwatch. "It's early Sunday morning and I don't know if there's a bus–"

"Then figure it out," Asheden said. "And tell me what time you're going to be here when you know."

"Sure," Sera said. "We'll see soon, I hope?"

"Yes," Asheden said quietly. "I will be waiting for you, so--"

The call ended. Sera groaned in frustration, and almost threw her phone into the wall before remembering she had to search the bus route from her phone.

Niroe had woken up and leaned against the door frame, yawning. "You got a call from your spouse?"

"Yeah," Sera said. "And they're not my spouse. I'm going back home."

Niroe scratched her bare chest absentmindedly, then coming up to Sera to help her eat breakfast and get on her way.

The bus trip felt painstakingly long. Sera felt like she couldn't have gotten to Asheden fast enough. She knew she had a crush and it was probably showing, but as long as Asheden didn't tell her to stop she wouldn't try to repress her emotions.

Sera ran up the stairs two at a time, coming to a stop behind the door to catch her breath. She was a bit sweaty from running, and stood in the hallway for some time before she could make herself ring the doorbell.

Every heartbeat passing between ringing the doorbell and Asheden opening the door made Sera's heart beat louder.

Asheden opened the door. "I thought you have a key," was the first thing they said.

Sera had been waiting to get a hug, but Asheden went back to the living room before Sera had stepped inside.

Sera left her suitcase by the door and went straight to the living room as soon as she had taken her shoes off.

"You wanted to talk?" Sera asked Asheden, who was sitting beside the dining table. They nodded sternly, gesturing Sera to sit across them.

Sera's mind was screaming the worst-case scenarios to her, but she didn't say anything about it while waiting for Asheden to speak.

When they finally did speak, it was nothing Sera could have guessed beforehand.

"I have a child."

Sera was so surprised that it took her a couple of seconds to understand what Asheden had just said. When she did, she had to take a moment to comprehend it. "You... but... what?" she finally asked.

Asheden looked at her hands. "I have a daughter", they said. "She's seven years old and her name is Nolina. When she was born I was still living with... you know. But that started my path of getting rid of him."

Sera set her hands on the table. "How did you keep her a secret?" she asked. "Where is she?"

Asheden shrugged. "If there's one thing I've learned well it is keeping secrets," they said. "She's been living in a safehouse while I've been improving my mental health. I discussed her coming to live here and was told that it's best if I'm not taking care of her alone."

"Wait," Sera said. "Are you asking me to become a _parent_? I don't think I'm ready for that."

Asheden looked at Sera for a moment, then turned their gaze to the table, sighing. "I guess you're right," they said. "It's too much to ask. I guess I just got too happy thinking about that."

Silence. Sera wasn't sure if she could say anything to that – had Asheden been thinking about raising a child with Sera? She suddenly remembered the star-gazing night and what had been said about children.

Asheden sighed again. "If you can't think of living with my child, I'm afraid you're gonna have to move," they said. "If I have to choose between a potential partner and Nolina, she is the one I'm going to choose. Just so you know."

Sera nodded slowly. "That sounds reasonable," she said. "And I wasn't saying I'm against the idea. It's just... a lot to take in. I haven't been able to mentally prepare myself for this. And I know nothing about children– about _your child_ specifically, so I don't know-"

Asheden stood up. "Wait here," they said. "I have to make a phone call."

 

* * *

 

After watching Asheden speak in the phone on the balcony for twenty minutes and a twenty-five-minute bus ride in suspenseful silence they arrived at a house. Sera didn’t say anything because she had a guess why they were there.

They were told to wait on the sofas in the cozy hall, and Asheden gave Sera a nervous smile when they sat down. "I hope you’re not angry," they said quietly.

"I don’t have a reason to be," Sera said. "I’ll just have to hope she doesn’t dislike me."

After a quiet moment a blue door opened, and from there dashed a child straight towards Asheden, yelling something that was incomprehensible to Sera.

Asheden’s face lit up in a way Sera had never seen when they picked their daughter up and twirled around, hugging her tightly. The person who had came through the door with Asheden’s daughter walked to them.

"Asheden,” the person said gently, making them halt. "We need to have a word in private. Nolina, would you mind lending your non to me for a while? Her friend will keep you company. Is that good?"

Nolina looked at Sera, who gave her a slight smile. "I don’t want to,” she said, pouting. "I haven’t seen them in so long!"

Asheden lowered Nolina on the floor, kneeling in front of her. "We have to talk about adult things," they said, stroking Nolina’s hair softly. "Could you Sera company for me, please? She has never been here, she might get lonely."

Nolina sighed dramatically, turning towards Sera begrudgingly. "Obal, we’re going to the playroom”, she said before sprinting off. Sera gave Asheden one last glance before hurrying after her.

There was a clock on the playroom’s wall, but Nolina didn’t give Sera time to even check the time while bossing her around – take your shoes off before coming into the playroom, don’t sit on that, come here, play with this. Sera had to admit playing with Nolina was almost nostalgic for her, since she had played with her younger siblings a lot years ago when they had been around Nolina’s age.

They had just started playing for real when Asheden appeared into the doorway. Nolina was on her feet instantly. "Are we going home?" she shouted, running at Asheden so fast that she almost made them fall over. Asheden smiled gently. "Yes, you are coming home with us,” they said, shaking the big backpack on their shoulder. "Are you ready to go?”

Nolina looked at Sera, and then back at Asheden. "Sera is coming too?” she asked. "Is she a doctor?"

Asheden took Nolina’s hand as they walked through the house. "No, she’s not a doctor,” they said, "she lives with us now."

The bus trip back home was more lively with Nolina – Sera soon learned that almost everything was. They got to the house and had to start reorganizing the furniture in the spare room so Nolina would get a bed to sleep in.

Suddenly having a child in the house was a huge change in the pace how things happened. Sera didn’t have much time to think during the day, because there was so much to do, but after the sun set and Nolina started settling in Sera found herself wrapped in a couple of blankets on the balcony, lost in thoughts.

To think that before this day she had thought one of the things she hadn’t talked to Asheden about herself would be a big surprise. Sera’s hands and feet were freezing, but she couldn’t go back inside just yet. She needed to talk to a someone about this development, maybe a shrink even.

The balcony door opened. "Are you okay?" Asheden called softly. "Do you want to talk now or after dinner and when Nolina has gone to sleep?"

Sera turned to look at Asheden’s worried face. "When I can talk to you alone," she said. "Do you need me to come make dinner or–?"

"I need you to come inside," Asheden said. "You must be freezing out there and I don’t want you to get sick."

Sera didn’t move for a while, but neither did Asheden. Finally she gave up, sighing. "I’ll come inside," she said as she got up from the balcony chair taking all three blankets with her. "But please, don’t talk to me if I don’t talk to you first. I have things to think about."

Asheden nodded in agreement, and after they had made sure Sera was comfortably seated on the couch they disappeared into the kitchen. She was absentmindedly browsing Netflix trying to find something to watch when she noticed Nolina climbing on the couch next to her.

Nolina’s eager and intense stare forced Sera to look at her. "Are you ren’s girlfriend?" Nolina asked with a very serious face. "Kandenere’s mom got a girlfriend and now she has two moms."

"Whose girlfriend?" Sera asked, confused. "Do you mean Asheden?"

Nolina nodded seriously – Sera thought that maybe she had had to explain it more than once. "I call them ren unless they ask me to use another word," she explained. "It’s because ren is _non binary_."

Sera nodded. "Thank you for explaining that," she smiled. "But to answer your question, I’m not their girlfriend."

"Why not?” Nolina asked, and then gasped. "Is it because you like boys more?"

Sera glanced towards the kitchen, then leaning closer to Nolina. "Can you keep a secret?" she asked. The question made Nolina’s face light up in excitement, and then she mimicked zipping her mouth very seriously. "I like them," Sera whispered. "But you can’t tell them that."

"Do you want to tell it yourself?" Nolina whispered.

Sera chuckled softly. "Well, it’s best if I do," she said, "even if they don’t like me back, but–"

"What are you two whispering about?"

Sera stopped her sentence and turned to look at Asheden, who had started to set the table. "Nothing important,” she answered at the same time Nolina squealed, "secrets!"

"That’s nice," Asheden said. "Dinner is ready in a moment. Wash your hands and come help me set the table."

During dinner Sera wondered whether it had been a good choice to tell Nolina about her having a crush on Asheden – not because she was worried the secret would get out, but rather because she began to think she should probably have told Asheden about her feelings, not their daughter.

Sera volunteered to do the dishes while Asheden went to shower with Nolina before she had to start going to bed. _Would it complicate things if I told Asheden today that I have feelings for them?_ she wondered. _I do know I have to spend some time away now to reflect on this whole child thing, so maybe now is not the right time for love confessions_.

Sera was almost done with the dishes when Asheden walked into the kitchen. "Do you want to talk now?" they asked. "I gave Nolina permission to read late today, she won’t probably interrupt our conversation many times."

Sera put the last plate into the cupboard. "I don’t want to but I need to," she sighed. "Can we go outside?"

Asheden nodded. "Let me grab us jackets, you take the blankets."

The evening was cold and cloudy, so there were no stars on the sky. Sera put on the jacket Asheden bought her, but was feeling to nervous to sit down next to Asheden on the balcony bench. "First off, I have to ask you did you do this on purpose?" she said. "Bringing Nolina here before giving me time to adjust to the thought – are you trying to push me out of your life?"

Asheden opened their mouth a couple of times before finding words. "I think I might be," they admitted. "I’m just– I’m really scared."

"I’m scared too," Sera said, "scared to lose all this between us. I know it will change when there’s a third person – a child – here. Whatever happens, I need to go away for a couple of days before I can make any kinds of desicions that will affect my life in the long term. But I don’t want to– I don’t want you to think I’m doing this because I don’t want to live with you. I just need more time."

Asheden nodded, gesturing Sera to come sit next to her. She gave a deep sigh, but complied. Asheden took her hand. "I am sorry it went like this," they said, looking at Sera so intensely that she started wondering if they were searching for answers in her eyes. "I tried to tell you so many times, but I never quite had the courage, I always told myself I could tell you the next day. But I didn’t, until today when I knew it was almost too late."

"You know, I thought the thing I haven’t told you about myself would be a surprise, but compared to your surprise… if I was an alien life form using advanced technology to look like human sent to Earth to take over the world would you be more surprised than I was about you having a child?"

Asheden chuckled. "I would be so surprised my hair would be pointing upwards for two weeks," they said, but sobered down. "What was your secret that you haven’t told me? Do you want to–"

"Well, actually there are three big things about me that I haven’t told you," Sera said. "I’m adopted, I’m trans, and I… I’m in love with you."

Asheden blinked. "You’ve known the trans thing since childhood, I presume," they blurted out. "I do have to say knowing that surprised me – but after having seen most of your siblings I have to say I could have guessed that you’re adopted, and… well, I wasn’t planning on ever saying this to you but– yeah. I’m in love with you as well."

Sera reached to grab Asheden’s hand. "Can we kiss now?"

Asheden didn’t say anything, only gave a soft – and probably involuntary – whine from the back of their throat, and leaned towards Sera. She met them halfway, their lips touching softly, so softly that it only made them need more. Asheden’s hands were in Sera’s neck, her back, and she didn’t even remember when she had climbed on Asheden’s lap, kissing them like she had wanted to for so long.

The kiss would have changed into who knows what if Asheden’s phone hadn’t ringed. "Oh heck, I have to go tell Nolina to go to sleep," they said. "Do you want tea?"

Sera got up from Asheden’s lap. "I’ll try to make it," she said, following Asheden inside, taking the blankets with her. She was taking the tea out of the cupboard when Asheden walked into the kitchen, stopped behind her and wrapped their arms around her waist. Sera stopped, closing her eyes and leaning slightly back into Asheden.

"I’ve wanted to do this for so long," Asheden sighed, inhaling deeply. "Your hair smells so nice there were so many mornings I could have stayed in bed forever smelling your hair."

Sera chuckled softly. "I could say the same thing," she confessed. "I love it when your hair smells like cinnamon."

Asheden’s hands were making their way under Sera’s shirt. "Why don’t we skip the tea and–"

"Yes," Sera breathed, turning around in Asheden’s arms.

Asheden gave a soft laugh. "You didn’t even wait for me to finish my sentence."

"Well, your hands are sending me a message about where this is going," Sera answered, "but if you were thinking of something else–"

Asheden cut Sera off with a brief kiss that made Sera’s insides really warm. "Oh, but we have to be quiet," they whispered, breaking the kiss. "You know, we can’t be sure she’s asleep yet."

"I’ll try my best," Sera answered. "I love you."

"I love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is going to be the conclusion chapter, to anyone reading this i love you thank you thank you thank you so much


End file.
